No Time For Karma Stepping off the Wheel of Pain and Struggle by © Paxton Robey
Chapter 8 "Relationships"
Relationships are the quintessential lesson for human beings. If we understand our relationship to all life, we understand
everything in this course of study. All the earth has ever tried
to teach is the difference between functioning from ego (the
belief that I am separate) and oneness. Relationships are the
last lesson that human beings master on planet earth before they
graduate.
As the Piscean Age draws to a close, we can see that
relationships are extremely important. Just look at the number of
books that have been written on the subject. This is because we
must be finished doing difficult and painful relationships before
the Aquarian Age really sets in. Communicating and recognizing
the equality of the sexes are lessons that are preliminary to the
Aquarian Age. If we are going to stick around for the big show,
the universe must assume that those issues have already been
resolved in us all. So what can we do to ensure such resolution?
The only relationship that exists in a cosmic sense is
"everything is one." Learning to release our belief in
separateness manifests as many different types of lessons. A
botanist may study plant cells for years until it dawns on her
that each cell is not only alive, it is life. Through this
experience she touches a transforming state of cosmic
consciousness. An astronomer studies our view of the physical
universe for lifetimes until the inescapable conclusion is
reached: the parts of the universe are ordered, interconnected,
alive, and all made from the same stuff. That stuff is
intelligent. It is God. The astronauts look down on Mother Earth
and see her not as countries, borders, and governments, but as
Gaia, a living being, inextricably connected to their hearts and
souls. Whatever area of life a person's time and effort go to,
the ultimate lesson they learn is their oneness with some aspect
of our world or universe.
All relationships are equally divine and equally challenging. They offer the answers to everything we need to know, provided we
are willing to accept what they have to teach. The answer to
every question we have lies in our realization that we are one
with all of creation. Relationships, therefore, become the
greatest teachers of oneness on this planet. And, as the Course
says, when we are tuned into the teaching, "every
relationship becomes a lesson in love."
Attaining oneness in its truest sense supersedes what we can
accomplish in the physical plane. The thing that attracted us, as
explorers, to this dimension in the first place was its apparent
uniqueness, separateness from the rest of reality. Oneness
therefore is really an understanding that we can only acquire
after we have graduated and moved on to other school systems. We
rarely evolve to the point where we can say that all of the
people on the earth are me, but we can grasp the intellectual
concept that oneness is possible and begin to feel that it is
true.
Also, awakening is a very singular process. We each follow our
own bliss which leads to reunification with God. There was
no one who could go to the cross with Jesus because his process
of attaining oneness with God was for himself, as well as for
mankind. Again it is a paradox because as we continue to do our
inner work alone, we will become one with every individual on the
planet. We will experience a bond with them that we did not
recognize before.
Personal
Responsibility
Our function is to transform our relationships, not to fix
them. We work only on ourselves, not the other person. When we
are willing to play our relationship games by new rules,
then they will be transformed. The new rules begin with,
"what happened yesterday is irrelevant." If we insist
that we know how a person will behave tomorrow because we know
how they behaved yesterday, we are insisting that our reality not
change. The reason that people have to die and be reborn is
because they refuse to change how they see other people. We are
not looking at another person when we look at our partner. We are
looking in a mirror. When we change our mind we change our
relationships. There are no victims, there are no abusers, there
are only mirrors.
When we refuse to repeat old patterns, when we
refuse to attack or defend, when we would rather be happy
than right, then other people change. Our relationships
transform. If we have been true to our understanding of these
principles of self creation, then we will not have to make
an ego based decision to continue a relationship or dissolve it. That will take care of itself. The relationship will transform or
disappear. The universe always moves us right along to the next
experience when we have learned what the last one had to teach.
Some folks are actually afraid to attempt a healing of their
primary relationship because they think that if it were healed
then they wouldn't have an excuse to get out of it. They need
someone to blame for the relationship breaking up.
In fact, before incarnating, we make agreements with many
individuals to resolve old karmic hang ups, or simply to learn
more about self empowerment through our relationship with them. We may have a strong intuitive insight that this is not the
person we contracted with to be a life-long partner. But we don't
need the excuse of a bad relationship in order to move on to our
next assignment.
We have an imperative to heal every relationship. Remember the
illusion! It is not someone else I am healing. It is not a
relationship that I am healing. It is me I am healing! If I leave
any of my relationships unhealed when I exit this lifetime, I
will probably choose to come back and be in relationship with
those same people again. Ouch. I heal others and my relationships
not because they deserve it but because I deserve it.
It may not be possible to heal past relationships face to
face. It makes no difference if an old relationship partner is
dead or living in another part of the world. Having the person to
"talk it out with" may be the best way sometimes, but
it is not the only way. The healing is for yourself anyway. Relationship healing can be done very expediently while sitting
in your meditation chair all alone. Use mental imagery to
"talk" to the other person. Ask forgiveness. Offer
understanding. Remember that all anger which you may remember
from days gone by was only a call for love.
Self
Healing
One of the illusions that we are trying to release is the
belief that we can lose someone that we love. If we are all
aspects of the same soul, how could we possibly lose anyone? Holding on to a relationship that does not work is the ego's
excuse for maintaining a sense of separation. There is absolutely
no reason to remain in a relationship in which we cannot stay
centered and balanced. Some teachings indicate that there is
value in stoicism or "spiritual toughness." So we may
have a tendency to say "Well, I should be able to do this. I'm going to put myself in the worst possible situation that I
can imagine and then stick it out to prove that I am a
master." No master teacher has ever said to do it that way,
nor did they say that we had to make our life difficult. Overcoming difficulty is a karmic path. Releasing is the path of
ease and transformation.
We enter into relationships because we see value in the other
person. Therefore we tend to believe that if we refuse to put up
with the garbage, we will lose the relationship and the value
that it had originally. Relationships are not about the
interactions of separate persons. They are about the discovery of
oneness. They are a game played with mirrors. They are about
healing the self. So we would not want to engage in dishonesty,
hidden thoughts or feelings, or any other form of separation. Pretending to believe in separation when we know better is a form
of denial; denial that I am the one who needs healing.
We really do want to be healed or we wouldn't have enrolled in
earth school in the first place. To pretend that we are victims
of other people's moods or behavior is just one way the ego has
of delaying our return to oneness. The ego is a state of
separateness and as a survival instinct, requires that we delay
our healing. It may tell us that our personal honesty will hurt
our partner. Honesty requires kindness and a desire to be
harmless. But any expression of thoughts or feelings made from
love and kindness will lead to healing. People who spend a whole
lifetime not wanting to hurt another person's feelings waste most
of the lifetime. And we know how karma works that same couple
will be together in the next lifetime and the next, until they
give up denial.
A note here the ego is sneaky. It has been known to disguise
attack as "honesty". Saying something that pushes
another person's buttons without the motive of healing isn't
honesty. For instance, it is not necessary or helpful to recount
all of one's past sexual exploits to one's partner simply to be
"honest".
A Course in Miracles says that enlightenment is the
most terrifying thing that we ever encounter. Honesty in
relationships is a perfect example. Honesty, at first, is not
only risky, it is downright terrifying. The ego confuses honesty
with attack. But we can't stay in denial for ever. We have to be
true to ourselves sometime. Why not this lifetime? Why not now?
We are thrown into a planet with five billion other souls
which forces every individual on the earth to work on their
relationships, although most are not doing it consciously. You
and I, on the other hand, do want to work on them consciously. That means that we try to be aware of what is helpful and useful
to our personal growth. Our responsibility to every relationship,
when we are living consciously, shifts to our becoming as
balanced, peaceful and joyful as we can in the shortest period of
time.
Everything that we do not like about ourselves is precisely
what we will complain about in other human beings. That is the
way mirrors work. If the way someone dresses or drives or eats or
handles their children bothers us, it is a total and perfect
reflection of something in the unexplored parts of ourselves that
we do not appreciate.
We can read self help books, seeking answers by looking at the
common patterns of mankind and receive much insight. But there is
more. Our patterns did not originate in this lifetime. There is
not a single significant relationship in our life that is not
karmic. That means that nearly one hundred percent of the
problems that we have with people originated in some other
reality. This is that next lifetime, a repetition of the
last one in which we refused to be honest, peaceful and loving. We can try to go back to our childhood and our relationships with
our parents, but while the problems have been restated
(outpictured) in this lifetime, not all answers can be discovered
by examining only the obvious behaviors and emotions.
Fortunately, as Aquarian energy infiltrates our planet,
society as a whole has begun to give credence to counseling and
the unveiling of emotional issues. For many folks, finding an
unbiased listener who is obviously there to be of assistance, in
and of itself is a breakthrough that produces startling results. Many experienced therapists have been able to combine the best of
the conventional emotional treatments with intuitive insights
into an individual's "emotional past life" with the
result that a small number of sessions in a brief period of time
has produced wonderful healings.
If a person does feel that some "unconventional"
therapeutic assistance could be helpful in dealing with the
emotional ramifications of a relationship, there are now
available some very expedient methods for getting to the root of
difficult to resolve issues. They take into consideration the
fact that life, and all of our relationships, are millions of
years old. The techniques include such things as past life
regressions, "rebirthing", what Sandra Ingerman calls
"soul retrieval", large group seminars such as Insight,
and Patricia Sun workshops.
Karmic insights achieved through some intuitive process often
provide enough information that a person can find a reason for
the situation existing in the first place. Or, they can see that
the present situation is not "unjust" because there was
more to the story than they knew about. Often they can see that
they weren't being victimized by another person but were
participating in a cosmic "setup" aimed at healing or
forgiving the self. This can give the logical mind sufficient
reason to release anger and resentment, to forgive.
We, as students of self unfoldment, need to remember that if
we choose "unconventional" methods of approaching our
own healing, we show that we have at least a bit of ego left when
we say "you know who really needs this is Sue or Bob
or Sally." We are here to heal ourselves, not foist our
panaceas on other folks. Even if we tried, they would be sure to
point out there are "regression junkies" just as there
are "therapy junkies".
When we take responsibility for our lives, we must also take
responsibility for our problems. You and I have traveled a rocky
road to get to the place where we could make a statement like
this without being overwhelmed by guilt for creating such a mess,
or falling back into denial and projecting the blame "out
there". We are catching on there is no blame, no fault,
only images mirrored back to us by our karmic comrades. Our
function is to heal these images for our own benefit. With this
knowledge we can avoid all attempts at "fixing" our
partners and offer, instead, acceptance and understanding.
Giving
Power Away
If we believe that our happiness lies in another person's
behavior, we are going to be sorely disappointed. There is not a
human being on this planet that can make you or me happy. If they
could, we would be their slave because we would have also given
them the power to withdraw our happiness at any moment. Relationships are a learning experience. Our goal is to have
harmonious and loving relationships with ourselves.
What is the difference between saying, "You make me so
happy" and "When I am in your presence, I allow myself
to feel so happy?" The first statement totally gives our
power away! Devastation will surely follow because that person
can never live up to our expectations of who we want them to be. Yet if we can master the technique of allowing ourselves to be
happy (safe) in the presence of compatible people, we will be
home free.
Being
True To Ourselves In Relationships
If our partner has a problem, it is not helpful for us to see
it. It is, however, very helpful for us to recognize that they
are the Christ. Everyone on this planet is a student, and we are
all doing the best that we know how. If someone has an issue,
their only problem is their perspective and we cannot alter it
for them because each ego has been trained to defend its
limitations. But in order to be honest with ourselves and them we
can say, "If you want to play with me, I would love to spend
time together. You are a delightful person when you are playing,
but if you want to argue I have other places to be and other
things to do. I know that I cannot lose you. I might not see you
again until next year or next lifetime, but I am going to let go
anyway because I can only be responsible for myself."
Concern
for Loved Ones
Can you imagine God setting up a system where love meant that
we had to worry about someone? Society has trained us to worry
about people we care about. If thoughts held in mind create our
tomorrows, then worry creates never ending repetitions of the
conditions we worry about. Not a loving thing to do. We can say,
"I'm sorry, but worry is not in my vocabulary anymore. I'll
send you light, I'll pray for you and I'll bless you, but I will
not worry about you or anybody else. You are not my
responsibility. You are my friend, but you don't belong to me. You belong to God."
We want to be sure that we understand that our spouses,
lovers, children, parents, boss, employees and the grocery store
clerk are not our responsibility. It is one of the paradoxes. Even though you are me and I am you, you are none of my business. One thing we must grasp if we would become better way-showers on
the planet is that we cannot change another human being.
Soul
Mates
There has been a lot of talk lately in the New Age community
about soul mates and twin souls. Many people are hoping to meet
their soul mate. There are no ideal soul mates. Separate,
perfectly compatible entities outside of ourselves do not exist. We create our own reality independently of our soul mates. We
must create our relationships on our yellow pad according to our
own idea of perfection. All of our soul mates are individuals,
creating their own realities based on their own personal
experiences, in which they have participated since the time we
were one soul. Our soul mates are now doing their own thing. They
are no longer perfectly compatible with us. Holding out for
Mister Right or Ms. Right will only bring disappointment.
Allow me to make up another story - - this one about soul
mates. In the beginning there was God. If there is any sentence
in the Bible that is true, this is it. Then God said, "I am
lonely" - - I have just blown it if I am trying to tell the
truth, but I will keep the story going - - so God said, "I
think I will create other aspects of myself in order to share
experience with myself." So God became the amoeba. When it
divided there were two amoebas and they kept splitting until
there were sixty billion separate entities.
In this story, all individualized beings can be traced back in
pairs. If two separate entities were one before they split, they
are now soul mates. That which they individualized from can be
called the over soul. This is a wonderful fantasy which assumes
that time is/was linear. (Wow, this story has a lot of flaws in
it.) If there is any hint of truth in it then it is reasonable to
say that at some point each of us must have had past experiences
while we were a part of every other one of us. Therefore,
everyone must be our soul mate dating back to some level of the
creation story.
It simply comes down to who you feel comfortable with and who
you can experience a warm and bonded feeling with. It is entirely
irrelevant which over soul you came from and which level you
incarnated from. If someone has been your companion in time, you
will feel a love (or love/hate) relationship to them. If you have
played together in the sands of time they will feel familiar. You
will also come to recognize faces that are familiar from
incarnational experiences outside of the earth school. I've
called remembering a past experience with someone a "date in
time" or we can refer to it as a past life together. Past
lives don't have to be on earth. In fact only a small percentage
of them were/are on earth.
You have soul mates that you would not only fail to recognize,
but could not stand to be with because, as far as linear time is
concerned, you have been doing different things and acquiring
contradictory value systems. You have no interest in soul mates
or twin souls or relatives of the over soul. Look for companions
in time regardless of which time-space you played in
together. They are the ones whose beliefs, values and limitations
are apt to be most similar (comfortable) to yours. They are the
most fun.
For most people, the search for a soul mate is an attempt to find
the perfect mate instead of creating the perfect mate. We
create all of our realities, including our relationships. We are
not here to give away our power to our over soul to make us
happy. We are here to take our power back, to get out the yellow
pad and write down absolutely every quality we do and do not want
in our partners. And then to be true to ourselves by refusing to
accept what we don't want and drawing to us what we do want. Remember that we record qualities and attributes to clarify our
own thought and therefore our own creation. Whereas outlining
physical characteristics (such as tall, dark, and handsome)
merely limits our co-creation with the divine. We are interested
in qualities like compatibility, respect, fun, support, and the
perfect partner for our life's work.
Sexuality
It is only on this planet that entities come in having
aspected their masculine and feminine energies. Nowhere else
would beings even think of splitting themselves down the middle,
saying, "In this life I'll be a woman and the next time I'll
be a man so it will all balance out." Since the earth
teaches through duality, her students learn to reconcile their
opposite aspects in order to create oneness. Sexuality then
becomes a convenient tool to use in duality. Sexuality is like
all appearances in 3-D, it is irrelevant and it is highly
significant. In sexuality, as in everything else here, there is
no right and wrong, only lessons.
We are striving for balance here and that includes equally
radiant energy centers. We have seven major chakras. If we ignore
any one of them we will feel out of balance, unfulfilled, and we
will not enjoy ourselves. Some individuals consider themselves to
be so spiritual that they only function from above the solar
plexus. "Me have a base chakra? No way! I must have
transcended that a long time ago, right?" We must
acknowledge and bless all of our chakras and declare the form in
which they manifest divine. We must express our sexuality
(duality) and recognize the existence of only one soul in
us and our partners. We cannot avoid that lesson. The issue is
how to maintain our comfort while we learn.
There are two ego-promoted beliefs relating to the men/women
issue that permeate the telepathic pool on this planet. The first
is that sex can be "bad." The second is "if you
love someone else, you don't love me." The first one is the
root of male/female guilt. The second one is the root of
jealousy. Students who still have a belief in the ego's
programming, and that is all of us, find guilt and jealousy to be
stumbling blocks. Jealous people find it difficult to "let
thine eye be single, fixed on God."
The pattern makers for the new age, you and I, do not have to
mend these misconceptions. Our job is to hold the truth of
oneness within our own minds and hearts so that the energy which
radiates from us will temper the telepathic pool with unconditional
love, and as time passes, end the "war between the
sexes."
At some point evolving beings become absolutely, passionately
in love with everybody. How do we handle these feelings while on
earth? Carefully, very carefully. Our job is to be useful to the
students here, not to put unnecessary stumbling blocks in their
way. The sexual expression of love with every soul on the planet
is not required. We won't miss out on "getting it on"
with people we love. We have an infinite amount of time to make
love to every soul out there (every aspect of our inner self).
We do have a subconscious remembrance of our existence outside
of this physical dimension even if we are not consciously aware
of those experiences. We did not believe in separation when we
were outside of our bodies. In our normal extra-terrestrial
existences we merged souls (made love) when we saw someone who
was familiar. Do you remember the lights zooming around the
swimming pool room in the movie Cocoon? The two characters
became one light. We do that routinely when we are in between
earth lives.
We will eventually all fuse as one, but because that is a
concept that we cannot grasp at the moment, we start by working
on our connections to each other, one at a time. So if we
remember how we used to jump into another person's soul when they
felt familiar, we can understand why we have that same tendency
here on the earth. But knowing that we cannot jump into their
soul because of the limitations of the physical body, we settle
for jumping into their beds. From a cosmic perspective the
way we existed before coming to earth there is no ownership
of bodies, no jealousy, no insecurity and therefore there is no
right or wrong. In truth there never has been a right or wrong and no one has ever made a mistake. On earth, however, it is
wise to check with guidance before translating our feelings into
actions.
From time to time our attraction to another soul might have
been so overwhelming that we forgot to check with guidance. That
is not "bad." Other times we may check with guidance
and actually get permission to indulge in sensual gratification. Most of the time, however, we will probably opt to take practical
action to keep from being chased down the street by an angry
spouse with a butcher knife.
When a relationship isn't progressing easily, when it feels
complex, that means that we have been getting quite mental in our
attempts to find answers. That is when negative ramifications
begin to outpicture. Thoughts held in mind, including complexity
and complication, do manifest. Therefore if we become involved in
a complicated or unpleasant situation, we simply back out, once
again to choose peace. Then we send light in the same way that we
would solve every other problem that we encounter. We cannot make
a mistake, even in the expression of our sexuality. Write that on
your refrigerator! Ultimately, everything will work out
wonderfully and we will get to love everyone because that is the
nature of God. In the meantime, we have some old patterns to
release in our relationships.
Anger
and Conflict
A Course in Miracles makes it very clear that
there are only two emotions: love and fear. Therefore anything
that we are not experiencing as love is a result of a fear that
we may be damaged. If we are angry with someone, we may be afraid
that they are controlling us or overpowering us. We may believe
that we can't be in control of our own life. Anger always says,
"You are wrong and I am right. I am mad because your
inappropriate behavior is damaging me." If we are not going
to do anger anymore, we must be willing to say, "I create my
own reality impeccably, so if I feel bad it must be because of my
own choices. I am going to look for a solution in myself instead
of trying to change someone else."
It helps to be aware of the beliefs we have when we engage in
conflict. If we allow other human beings to push our buttons, we
believe in defending our buttons. Cosmic law states that thoughts
held in mind will manifest in our life. If we are holding an
image of wrong behavior backed by our anger we have guaranteed
that we will have conflict in our life again tomorrow. By the
same token, if we are creating our todays by thoughts held in
mind yesterday (or yesterlife) then what is upsetting us is not
what we think is upsetting us. The Course says "I am never
upset for the reason I think."
When we forget that we are one with God, the ego indulges in
fear. It immediately resorts to protecting the self by projecting
negative emotions towards others in order to keep from having to
take responsibility for them. Functioning from a cosmic
perspective, on the other hand, is recognizing our connection
with the infinitely powerful source which is a state of being
that does not require protection.
There are a couple of ideas from A Course in Miracles
which are very useful to keep in mind when a relationship is
generating conflict. First, all anger is a call for love. This
tells us that another person is not really trying to harm us with
their attacks. They are just feeling unloved and are trying to
get love from outside of themselves. Secondly, the Course asks
"would you rather be right or happy?" You can't be
both.
There have been millions of people arguing with each other for
millions of years on earth. As of yet, no one has ever won an
argument. Why would we engage in such obviously futile
entertainment? Because the ego has no choice. If it truly is
separate then it must be right to survive. Only beings who
have given up on separateness can conceive of giving up being
right. Our society has placed ultimate value on being right. Aside from the fact that being right is a cosmic impossibility,
it has never made anyone happy. Conflict cannot be fixed by
correcting other peoples errors. The only way to end a repetitive
pattern of conflict is by refusing to participate.
When we stop playing the attack and defend game and choose
peace, there is a very predictable sequence of events that
begins. The first thing that happens is that the person we are
dealing with will become very angry because they just lost
control. Their entire security lies in their understanding of our
neatly ordered reactions. If we break the traditional rules, by
choosing peace instead of defending or attacking, their belief
system is torn to shreds. They will echo back all of the reasons
why we cannot resort to a new type of behavior. They will try to
push every one of our buttons. "That's not fair. You have
to fight with me. You're just escaping." And then there is
"but I need you." We don't have to read more than one
co-dependency book to get over that one. When they have found all
of our buttons, and we did not respond to a single one, they will
tell us they are going to jump off of a building. But they
probably won't and if they do, it was their time to be somewhere
else. People don't die, they just move on.
If they decide to stick around, they will go through a period
of bewilderment during which they may tell everyone that we have
lost our mind. If we simply maintain our peace, their anger will
eventually disappear. They will eventually look to us in
amazement as we stand forth in our peacefulness. Then they become
students of peace. It is in their contract. Everyone who would
try to control or manipulate us invariably signed on to planet
earth to be our student. They are hoping that we can show them
how to slip out of old patterns and become free and confident. They may be too prideful to say, "Please teach me how you
can stay at peace" but, rest assured that they will be
watching. Love works every time.
The working week can be a good test of whether or not we are
willing to play the game by love's rules. There are many
potential conflicts and much to lose at work if we do it
"wrong." We could loose our income, our reputation, and
our friends, if we don't do everything the boss' way. One of the
great stories in the Bible that teaches us how to deal with
people we cannot seem to get along with is Daniel in the Lion's
Den. Daniel was aware beforehand that they were going to put him
in the den with the lion (the lion represented whatever his
particular challenge was) so he went through the prayer process
the night before. He remembered that consciousness creates
reality on the earth. He knew that he was not a victim of the
king. He sat down in meditation, saw the dilemma and visualized
the outcome that he desired. It is always easier to do the work
in advance so when someone tries to push our buttons we have
already defused the energy.
When Daniel was placed in the den the next day, he sat down
and turned his back to the lion, an incredibly significant
metaphor. He did not sit and focus on the problem. Instead,
having used his meditation and some mental imagery to resolve it
the night before, he was free to put his attention elsewhere. The
lion did not attack and rip Daniel to pieces when he let down his
defenses. It proceeded to lie down and go to sleep such
wonderful symbology. Daniel's way works with any person or
situation that intimidates us. A Course in Miracles says
that our safety lies in our defenselessness.
If you perceive an adversary, recognize that it is your
perception which needs fixing. If perception created the
difficulty, perception can heal it. Imagine a can of pink paint
and mentally paint your adversary in that soft, loving color or
put sparkles all over them. It will be very difficult for them to
be vicious when you meet face to face after you have tinted them
in that rosy hue. You are free to use any symbols that are fun. Imagine what it feels like when harmony has been restored. Run
the entire encounter through your mind's eye while you are in
relaxed meditation. There is no way that you could meet that
person without remembering the work that you have done. All anger
is a call for love. You have offered love instead of conflict.
All
Relationships End
Another area where our society is in denial is that all
earthly relationships end. Society teaches, due to its confusion
about the difference between love and need, that emotional trauma
is appropriate when relationships do end. If a relationship
exists because we believe that someone outside of ourselves can
be even partially responsible for our happiness, great pain will
be experienced when the relationship ends. That to which we gave
our power has abandoned us.
Co-dependency and emotional trauma are learned from society. They are not required or natural states of being in this
universe. Any error that has become an accepted teaching of
society can be re-taught in a more loving manner. The teachers of
light on the planet have the task of reforming their own
relationships into "holy relationships", to use the
words of A Course in Miracles. They decide to participate
in no relationship that is based on need. Relationships based on
need are founded on the assumption that we are separate and
helpless. Relationships that are based solely on the enjoyment of
the presence of the other person still cause us to rearrange our
life style when our partner leaves, but it is a trauma free
rearrangement. It is simply moving on to the next adventure in
our life.
After we have transformed our own relationships, we begin to
re-educate group consciousness. Whether we outwardly teach and
counsel or simply enjoy our own relationship, the effect is the
same. Our understanding and joy is communicated to all
inhabitants of earth school through the telepathic pool.
Children
and Parents
As Kahill Gibran said, "Our children are not our
children." They are God's children. At best they are on loan
for a little while. In all of the hundreds of thousands of school
systems that exist in this universe, planet earth is the only one
where, in order to enroll, you have to come out of someone's
body. In all other systems folks just show up, just get off the
bus. Because we have all been conditioned in incarnations past to
believe that our bodies belong to us, we think that anything that
comes out of our bodies also belongs to us. It is not so. It is
actually rather bizarre. A being coming out of another being's
body is like something that you would see in a science fiction
movie. We do not realize how really weird it is.
When people have children to "fill a void" in their
life, pain is inevitable. If children were brought into a family
to fill a void, then every transition associated with growing up
will be felt as an attack on the parents. Leaving home will be
seen as abandonment. When a child dies in our society, the family
is usually unaware of karmic contracts or pre-birth agreements. Our function is not necessarily to explain these things to them,
but rather to just love them. Love heals all wounds.
On a soul level, parents choose their children so that they,
the parents, can break old patterns. There are no exceptions to
that rule. Our parents are absolutely counting on the fact that
we are not going to play the old guilt games or buy into their
drama. They are all thinking on a subconscious level, "Boy,
I sure hope my kids don't let me get away with what I'm going to
pull because if they shape me up now, it will save me lifetimes
of work." To show love to our parents we must be true to
ourselves. But if we try to please them we will leave them in the
same mess that they are in now, until one day or one lifetime
someone finally decides to help them break the pattern.
Every individual who incarnates on this planet chooses the
time of their incarnation and their own path. Anyone born in the
1990's or later will experience adulthood in predominantly
Aquarian energy. These souls have completed most of the work
required for graduation. People who are not oriented towards
compassion will not be found in the Aquarian Age. Few people will
come into this school now if they primarily want to be in bar
fights.
The children who are incarnating on the planet now are playing
an enormous role in the transition of the earth. As infants,
there is not a single one of them that is not consciously in
contact with their pre-birth state of awareness. Gerald Jampolsky
tells a story of a young couple that he knew who brought a
newborn into the family. From the moment that they introduced the
infant to their three year old child, that older sibling asked to
be alone with the new baby. The parents were thrown by this
child's insistence. They feared she might harm the baby. Finally
they devised a plan to use an intercom in the nursery so that the
children could be left alone and they could still hear everything
that transpired. Through that speaker, the parents heard the
three year old approach the crib and say "Baby, tell me
about God -- I am beginning to forget."
Our children are going to out shine us to such a degree that
it will be truly amazing. They have an intuitive understanding of
spiritual morality that far exceeds the older generations'
co-dependent versions of morality. Therefore, the old patterns
that we have about raising children no longer apply. Any child
born today does not need to be controlled. We can teach them the
practicalities of the planet, like not to touch a hot stove, but
they will not accept our idea of moral behavior. They are not
interested in our archaic perceptions about how to interact with
people. These kids will know more about relationships by age
twelve than our generation has yet learned.
The old notion that parents are responsible for their children
will not hold water anymore. Children appear to be innocent and
helpless. It is easy for those with little sense of cosmic
awareness to train children into co-dependency. Children are not
naive. They have as many millions of years of personal experience
as any adult on the planet. Children are not helpless. They chose
their parents wisely.
We are not responsible for any other human being. We cannot
fix them or shape them into what we would like them to be. The
only obligations that Aquarian parents have to their children is
to love them, provide food, clothing and shelter and then get out
of the way. They will love themselves so much that they simply
will not allow us to control or manipulate them.
When we begin to teach children language, we are teaching them
limitation. Our language has no words to describe what it was
like out there before birth. The kids, however, remember
everything about those other worlds and come in communicating
telepathically, but we do not often pick up on this. They are
tuned into everything that is going on in the house, including
everybody's emotions, before they can even speak. A child's
programming about the limitations and fears, or love and
harmlessness, of people on the planet begins in the womb.
With that kind of intuitive ability, we can anticipate that
new age kids will be lousy students. Our school system is
designed to make clones out of children. It teaches dependence on
the intellect, manipulation, competition, and separateness. It
does not teach true understanding. The new children will not
tolerate that kind of education. The school systems will have to
be totally changed. Education and love are not distinct subjects. Until these changes take place, know that our children will not
fit in. They cannot be trained like we were to sit for fifty
minutes in the same position while a boring authority figure is
lecturing. They will instead demand action, color, vitality,
warmth and feeling. In the new schools art, music, compassion and
intuitive functioning will not play second fiddle to intellectual
subjects and learning the "right" answers.
Children are not new and they are not dumb. They have been in
the earth school and other systems for tens of millions of years. They are mature and wise in every way except for the handling of
the physical body. These beings come in with much better self
images than former generations. If we treat them with loving
respect and acknowledge that they are our teachers in regards to
human interaction and compassion and harmony, then we will have
wonderful relationships with them. Our children and nieces and
nephews and grandchildren will be the source of great wisdom for
us as long as we play the game according to the new rules.
Cosmic
Relationships
When we master relationships we will have mastered it all. When we stop giving our power away to people that we supposedly
love but probably need, we will have recovered our power in every
area of our life. Healing relationships is a very simple thing to
discuss, but it is the most difficult lesson to do because we are
working on releasing lifetimes of programming. It will take a
great deal of vigilance, but being true to ourselves is all that
is required to make our relationships work. Just pay attention,
watch and pray.
What would happen if we could be in relationship with someone
in a state of cosmic consciousness? We could not talk about our
problems because we wouldn't experience any. Well, we may not be
at a point of being totally cosmic with our partners but we can
follow Emerson's advice "to become, act as if". Since
we have traditionally used verbal communication to reinforce our
separateness, not having anything to complain about presents a
challenge. But now we will choose not to forget our source, God,
and not to forget the big picture. Therefore we do not create
repetitions of old problems by repeating old thoughts about them. Clean minds create clean relationships.
Most talk on this planet is about problems, challenges,
differences, wrongs, injustices, etc. It is all ego stuff. If
everyone refused to speak negative words, silence would be the
normal condition.
There is a definite connection between silence and
enlightenment. Every guru has begun the disciple's training by
teaching silence. Every master teacher communicates with his or
her peers telepathically, not verbally. When we as a civilization
have ended our group experiment in attacking and defending we
will no longer use words. Sharing thought forms and mental images
is a much more expedient way to communicate. But as long as we
are afraid for others to see our thoughts and feelings we will
use separation-creating words. Patricia Sun has a good
suggestion. "Pretend that from this moment on, everybody you
meet can read your mind." Telepathic beings have no
relationship problems because all relationship problems are a
result of the deception that fear requires.
To heal those we are in relationship with we heal ourselves. When we learn to be blissfully happy and at peace, there is an
enormous amount of healing that takes place in those that we are
psychically connected to. We know that any state of limitation,
manipulation, anger, fear and guilt is total insanity. We
remember the truth which says that oneness cannot be achieved
alone. We need our relationships. We also need our support group
and support tools to help us as we dare to risk honesty with
those closest to us. Get your inspirational books, cassette tapes
and phone numbers ready and dare to do your relationships in a
whole new way. Before you know it you will have harmonious
relationships with every individual on the planet and they will
be calling you teacher and sharing your space in comfort.
Chapter 9
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