[Table of Contents] [Home] [Next Chapter]

RELATIONSHIPS

This is chapter eight in the book No Time for Karma, stepping off the wheel of pain and struggle.

Relationships are the quintessential lesson for human beings. If we understand our relationship to all life, we understand everything in this course of study. All the earth has ever tried to teach is the difference between functioning from ego (the belief that I am separate) and oneness. Relationships are the last lesson that human beings master on planet earth before they graduate.

As the Piscean Age draws to a close, we can see that relationships are extremely important. Just look at the number of books that have been written on the subject. This is because we must be finished doing difficult and painful relationships before the Aquarian Age really sets in. Communicating and recognizing the equality of the sexes are lessons that are preliminary to the Aquarian Age. If we are going to stick around for the big show, the universe must assume that those issues have already been resolved in us all. So what can we do to ensure such resolution?

The only relationship that exists in a cosmic sense is "everything is one." Learning to release our belief in separateness manifests as many different types of lessons. A botanist may study plant cells for years until it dawns on her that each cell is not only alive, it is life. Through this experience she touches a transforming state of cosmic consciousness. An astronomer studies our view of the physical universe for lifetimes until the inescapable conclusion is reached: the parts of the universe are ordered, interconnected, alive, and all made from the same stuff. That stuff is intelligent. It is God. The astronauts look down on Mother Earth and see her not as countries, borders, and governments, but as Gaia, a living being, inextricably connected to their hearts and souls. Whatever area of life a person's time and effort go to, the ultimate lesson they learn is their oneness with some aspect of our world or universe.

All relationships are equally divine and equally challenging. They offer the answers to everything we need to know, provided we are willing to accept what they have to teach. The answer to every question we have lies in our realization that we are one with all of creation. Relationships, therefore, become the greatest teachers of oneness on this planet. And, as the Course says, when we are tuned into the teaching, "every relationship becomes a lesson in love."

Attaining oneness in its truest sense supersedes what we can accomplish in the physical plane. The thing that attracted us, as explorers, to this dimension in the first place was its apparent uniqueness, separateness from the rest of reality. Oneness therefore is really an understanding that we can only acquire after we have graduated and moved on to other school systems. We rarely evolve to the point where we can say that all of the people on the earth are me, but we can grasp the intellectual concept that oneness is possible and begin to feel that it is true.

Also, awakening is a very singular process. We each follow our own bliss which leads to reunification with God. There was no one who could go to the cross with Jesus because his process of attaining oneness with God was for himself, as well as for mankind. Again it is a paradox because as we continue to do our inner work alone, we will become one with every individual on the planet. We will experience a bond with them that we did not recognize before.

Personal Responsibility

Our function is to transform our relationships, not to fix them. We work only on ourselves, not the other person. When we are willing to play our relationship games by new rules, then they will be transformed. The new rules begin with, "what happened yesterday is irrelevant." If we insist that we know how a person will behave tomorrow because we know how they behaved yesterday, we are insisting that our reality not change. The reason that people have to die and be reborn is because they refuse to change how they see other people. We are not looking at another person when we look at our partner. We are looking in a mirror. When we change our mind we change our relationships. There are no victims, there are no abusers, there are only mirrors.

When we refuse to repeat old patterns, when we refuse to attack or defend, when we would rather be happy than right, then other people change. Our relationships transform. If we have been true to our understanding of these principles of self creation, then we will not have to make an ego based decision to continue a relationship or dissolve it. That will take care of itself. The relationship will transform or disappear. The universe always moves us right along to the next experience when we have learned what the last one had to teach.

Some folks are actually afraid to attempt a healing of their primary relationship because they think that if it were healed then they wouldn't have an excuse to get out of it. They need someone to blame for the relationship breaking up.

In fact, before incarnating, we make agreements with many individuals to resolve old karmic hang ups, or simply to learn more about self empowerment through our relationship with them. We may have a strong intuitive insight that this is not the person we contracted with to be a life-long partner. But we don't need the excuse of a bad relationship in order to move on to our next assignment.

We have an imperative to heal every relationship. Remember the illusion! It is not someone else I am healing. It is not a relationship that I am healing. It is me I am healing! If I leave any of my relationships unhealed when I exit this lifetime, I will probably choose to come back and be in relationship with those same people again. Ouch. I heal others and my relationships not because they deserve it but because I deserve it.

It may not be possible to heal past relationships face to face. It makes no difference if an old relationship partner is dead or living in another part of the world. Having the person to "talk it out with" may be the best way sometimes, but it is not the only way. The healing is for yourself anyway. Relationship healing can be done very expediently while sitting in your meditation chair all alone. Use mental imagery to "talk" to the other person. Ask forgiveness. Offer understanding. Remember that all anger which you may remember from days gone by was only a call for love.

Self Healing

One of the illusions that we are trying to release is the belief that we can lose someone that we love.If we are all aspects of the same soul, how could we possibly lose anyone? Holding on to a relationship that does not work is the ego's excuse for maintaining a sense of separation. There is absolutely no reason to remain in a relationship in which we cannot stay centered and balanced. Some teachings indicate that there is value in stoicism or "spiritual toughness." So we may have a tendency to say "Well, I should be able to do this. I'm going to put myself in the worst possible situation that I can imagine and then stick it out to prove that I am a master." No master teacher has ever said to do it that way, nor did they say that we had to make our life difficult. Overcoming difficulty is a karmic path. Releasing is the path of ease and transformation.

We enter into relationships because we see value in the other person. Therefore we tend to believe that if we refuse to put up with the garbage, we will lose the relationship and the value that it had originally. Relationships are not about the interactions of separate persons. They are about the discovery of oneness. They are a game played with mirrors. They are about healing the self. So we would not want to engage in dishonesty, hidden thoughts or feelings, or any other form of separation. Pretending to believe in separation when we know better is a form of denial; denial that I am the one who needs healing.

We really do want to be healed or we wouldn't have enrolled in earth school in the first place. To pretend that we are victims of other people's moods or behavior is just one way the ego has of delaying our return to oneness. The ego is a state of separateness and as a survival instinct, requires that we delay our healing. It may tell us that our personal honesty will hurt our partner. Honesty requires kindness and a desire to be harmless. But any expression of thoughts or feelings made from love and kindness will lead to healing. People who spend a whole lifetime not wanting to hurt another person's feelings waste most of the lifetime. And we know how karma works - - that same couple will be together in the next lifetime and the next, until they give up denial.

A note here - the ego is sneaky. It has been known to disguise attack as "honesty". Saying something that pushes another person's buttons without the motive of healing isn't honesty. For instance, it is not necessary or helpful to recount all of one's past sexual exploits to one's partner simply to be "honest".

A Course in Miracles says that enlightenment is the most terrifying thing that we ever encounter. Honesty in relationships is a perfect example. Honesty, at first, is not only risky, it is downright terrifying. The ego confuses honesty with attack. But we can't stay in denial for ever. We have to be true to ourselves sometime. Why not this lifetime? Why not now?

We are thrown into a planet with five billion other souls which forces every individual on the earth to work on their relationships, although most are not doing it consciously. You and I, on the other hand, do want to work on them consciously. That means that we try to be aware of what is helpful and useful to our personal growth. Our responsibility to every relationship, when we are living consciously, shifts to our becoming as balanced, peaceful and joyful as we can in the shortest period of time.

Everything that we do not like about ourselves is precisely what we will complain about in other human beings. That is the way mirrors work. If the way someone dresses or drives or eats or handles their children bothers us, it is a total and perfect reflection of something in the unexplored parts of ourselves that we do not appreciate.

We can read self help books, seeking answers by looking at the common patterns of mankind and receive much insight. But there is more. Our patterns did not originate in this lifetime. There is not a single significant relationship in our life that is not karmic. That means that nearly one hundred percent of the problems that we have with people originated in some other reality. This is that next lifetime, a repetition of the last one in which we refused to be honest, peaceful and loving. We can try to go back to our childhood and our relationships with our parents, but while the problems have been restated (outpictured) in this lifetime, not all answers can be discovered by examining only the obvious behaviors and emotions.

Fortunately, as Aquarian energy infiltrates our planet, society as a whole has begun to give credence to counseling and the unveiling of emotional issues. For many folks, finding an unbiased listener who is obviously there to be of assistance, in and of itself is a breakthrough that produces startling results. Many experienced therapists have been able to combine the best of the conventional emotional treatments with intuitive insights into an individual's "emotional past life" with the result that a small number of sessions in a brief period of time has produced wonderful healings.

If a person does feel that some "unconventional" therapeutic assistance could be helpful in dealing with the emotional ramifications of a relationship, there are now available some very expedient methods for getting to the root of difficult to resolve issues. They take into consideration the fact that life, and all of our relationships, are millions of years old. The techniques include such things as past life regressions, "rebirthing", what Sandra Ingerman calls "soul retrieval", large group seminars such as Insight, and Patricia Sun workshops.

Karmic insights achieved through some intuitive process often provide enough information that a person can find a reason for the situation existing in the first place. Or, they can see that the present situation is not "unjust" because there was more to the story than they knew about. Often they can see that they weren't being victimized by another person but were participating in a cosmic "setup" aimed at healing or forgiving the self. This can give the logical mind sufficient reason to release anger and resentment, to forgive.

We, as students of self unfoldment, need to remember that if we choose "unconventional" methods of approaching our own healing, we show that we have at least a bit of ego left when we say "you know who really needs this is Sue or Bob or Sally." We are here to heal ourselves, not foist our panaceas on other folks. Even if we tried, they would be sure to point out there are "regression junkies" just as there are "therapy junkies".

When we take responsibility for our lives, we must also take responsibility for our problems. You and I have traveled a rocky road to get to the place where we could make a statement like this without being overwhelmed by guilt for creating such a mess, or falling back into denial and projecting the blame "out there". We are catching on - - there is no blame, no fault, only images mirrored back to us by our karmic comrades. Our function is to heal these images for our own benefit. With this knowledge we can avoid all attempts at "fixing" our partners and offer, instead, acceptance and understanding.

Giving Power Away

If we believe that our happiness lies in another person's behavior, we are going to be sorely disappointed. There is not a human being on this planet that can make you or me happy. If they could, we would be their slave because we would have also given them the power to withdraw our happiness at any moment. Relationships are a learning experience. Our goal is to have harmonious and loving relationships with ourselves.

What is the difference between saying, "You make me so happy" and "When I am in your presence, I allow myself to feel so happy?" The first statement totally gives our power away! Devastation will surely follow because that person can never live up to our expectations of who we want them to be. Yet if we can master the technique of allowing ourselves to be happy (safe) in the presence of compatible people, we will be home free.

Being True To Ourselves In Relationships

If our partner has a problem, it is not helpful for us to see it. It is, however, very helpful for us to recognize that they are the Christ. Everyone on this planet is a student, and we are all doing the best that we know how. If someone has an issue, their only problem is their perspective and we cannot alter it for them because each ego has been trained to defend its limitations. But in order to be honest with ourselves and them we can say, "If you want to play with me, I would love to spend time together. You are a delightful person when you are playing, but if you want to argue I have other places to be and other things to do. I know that I cannot lose you. I might not see you again until next year or next lifetime, but I am going to let go anyway because I can only be responsible for myself."

Concern for Loved Ones

Can you imagine God setting up a system where love meant that we had to worry about someone? Society has trained us to worry about people we care about. If thoughts held in mind create our tomorrows, then worry creates never ending repetitions of the conditions we worry about. Not a loving thing to do. We can say, "I'm sorry, but worry is not in my vocabulary anymore. I'll send you light, I'll pray for you and I'll bless you, but I will not worry about you or anybody else. You are not my responsibility. You are my friend, but you don't belong to me. You belong to God."

We want to be sure that we understand that our spouses, lovers, children, parents, boss, employees and the grocery store clerk are not our responsibility. It is one of the paradoxes. Even though you are me and I am you, you are none of my business. One thing we must grasp if we would become better way-showers on the planet is that we cannot change another human being.

Soul Mates

There has been a lot of talk lately in the New Age community about soul mates and twin souls. Many people are hoping to meet their soul mate. There are no ideal soul mates. Separate, perfectly compatible entities outside of ourselves do not exist. We create our own reality independently of our soul mates. We must create our relationships on our yellow pad according to our own idea of perfection. All of our soul mates are individuals, creating their own realities based on their own personal experiences, in which they have participated since the time we were one soul. Our soul mates are now doing their own thing. They are no longer perfectly compatible with us. Holding out for Mister Right or Ms. Right will only bring disappointment.

Allow me to make up another story - - this one about soul mates. In the beginning there was God. If there is any sentence in the Bible that is true, this is it. Then God said, "I am lonely" - - I have just blown it if I am trying to tell the truth, but I will keep the story going - - so God said, "I think I will create other aspects of myself in order to share experience with myself." So God became the amoeba. When it divided there were two amoebas and they kept splitting until there were sixty billion separate entities.

In this story, all individualized beings can be traced back in pairs. If two separate entities were one before they split, they are now soul mates. That which they individualized from can be called the over soul. This is a wonderful fantasy which assumes that time is/was linear. (Wow, this story has a lot of flaws in it.) If there is any hint of truth in it then it is reasonable to say that at some point each of us must have had past experiences while we were a part of every other one of us. Therefore, everyone must be our soul mate dating back to some level of the creation story.

It simply comes down to who you feel comfortable with and who you can experience a warm and bonded feeling with. It is entirely irrelevant which over soul you came from and which level you incarnated from. If someone has been your companion in time, you will feel a love (or love/hate) relationship to them. If you have played together in the sands of time they will feel familiar. You will also come to recognize faces that are familiar from incarnational experiences outside of the earth school. I've called remembering a past experience with someone a "date in time" or we can refer to it as a past life together. Past lives don't have to be on earth. In fact only a small percentage of them were/are on earth.

You have soul mates that you would not only fail to recognize, but could not stand to be with because, as far as linear time is concerned, you have been doing different things and acquiring contradictory value systems. You have no interest in soul mates or twin souls or relatives of the over soul. Look for companions in time regardless of which time-space you played in together. They are the ones whose beliefs, values and limitations are apt to be most similar (comfortable) to yours. They are the most fun.

For most people, the search for a soul mate is an attempt to find the perfect mate instead of creating the perfect mate. We create all of our realities, including our relationships. We are not here to give away our power to our over soul to make us happy. We are here to take our power back, to get out the yellow pad and write down absolutely every quality we do and do not want in our partners. And then to be true to ourselves by refusing to accept what we don't want and drawing to us what we do want. Remember that we record qualities and attributes to clarify our own thought and therefore our own creation. Whereas outlining physical characteristics (such as tall, dark, and handsome) merely limits our co-creation with the divine. We are interested in qualities like compatibility, respect, fun, support, and the perfect partner for our life's work.

Sexuality

It is only on this planet that entities come in having aspected their masculine and feminine energies. Nowhere else would beings even think of splitting themselves down the middle, saying, "In this life I'll be a woman and the next time I'll be a man so it will all balance out." Since the earth teaches through duality, her students learn to reconcile their opposite aspects in order to create oneness. Sexuality then becomes a convenient tool to use in duality. Sexuality is like all appearances in 3-D, it is irrelevant and it is highly significant. In sexuality, as in everything else here, there is no right and wrong, only lessons.

We are striving for balance here and that includes equally radiant energy centers. We have seven major chakras. If we ignore any one of them we will feel out of balance, unfulfilled, and we will not enjoy ourselves. Some individuals consider themselves to be so spiritual that they only function from above the solar plexus. "Me have a base chakra? No way! I must have transcended that a long time ago, right?" We must acknowledge and bless all of our chakras and declare the form in which they manifest divine. We must express our sexuality (duality) and recognize the existence of only one soul in us and our partners. We cannot avoid that lesson. The issue is how to maintain our comfort while we learn.

There are two ego-promoted beliefs relating to the men/women issue that permeate the telepathic pool on this planet. The first is that sex can be "bad." The second is "if you love someone else, you don't love me." The first one is the root of male/female guilt. The second one is the root of jealousy. Students who still have a belief in the ego's programming, and that is all of us, find guilt and jealousy to be stumbling blocks. Jealous people find it difficult to "let thine eye be single, fixed on God."

The pattern makers for the new age, you and I, do not have to mend these misconceptions. Our job is to hold the truth of oneness within our own minds and hearts so that the energy which radiates from us will temper the telepathic pool with unconditional love, and as time passes, end the "war between the sexes."

At some point evolving beings become absolutely, passionately in love with everybody. How do we handle these feelings while on earth? Carefully, very carefully. Our job is to be useful to the students here, not to put unnecessary stumbling blocks in their way. The sexual expression of love with every soul on the planet is not required. We won't miss out on "getting it on" with people we love. We have an infinite amount of time to make love to every soul out there (every aspect of our inner self).

We do have a subconscious remembrance of our existence outside of this physical dimension even if we are not consciously aware of those experiences. We did not believe in separation when we were outside of our bodies. In our normal extra-terrestrial existences we merged souls (made love) when we saw someone who was familiar. Do you remember the lights zooming around the swimming pool room in the movie Cocoon? The two characters became one light. We do that routinely when we are in between earth lives.

We will eventually all fuse as one, but because that is a concept that we cannot grasp at the moment, we start by working on our connections to each other, one at a time. So if we remember how we used to jump into another person's soul when they felt familiar, we can understand why we have that same tendency here on the earth. But knowing that we cannot jump into their soul because of the limitations of the physical body, we settle for jumping into their beds. From a cosmic perspective - - the way we existed before coming to earth - - there is no ownership of bodies, no jealousy, no insecurity and therefore there is no right or wrong. In truth there never has been a right or wrong - - and no one has ever made a mistake. On earth, however, it is wise to check with guidance before translating our feelings into actions.

From time to time our attraction to another soul might have been so overwhelming that we forgot to check with guidance. That is not "bad." Other times we may check with guidance and actually get permission to indulge in sensual gratification. Most of the time, however, we will probably opt to take practical action to keep from being chased down the street by an angry spouse with a butcher knife.

When a relationship isn't progressing easily, when it feels complex, that means that we have been getting quite mental in our attempts to find answers. That is when negative ramifications begin to outpicture. Thoughts held in mind, including complexity and complication, do manifest. Therefore if we become involved in a complicated or unpleasant situation, we simply back out, once again to choose peace. Then we send light in the same way that we would solve every other problem that we encounter. We cannot make a mistake, even in the expression of our sexuality. Write that on your refrigerator! Ultimately, everything will work out wonderfully and we will get to love everyone because that is the nature of God. In the meantime, we have some old patterns to release in our relationships.

Anger and Conflict

A Course in Miracles makes it very clear that there are only two emotions: love and fear. Therefore anything that we are not experiencing as love is a result of a fear that we may be damaged. If we are angry with someone, we may be afraid that they are controlling us or overpowering us. We may believe that we can't be in control of our own life. Anger always says, "You are wrong and I am right. I am mad because your inappropriate behavior is damaging me." If we are not going to do anger anymore, we must be willing to say, "I create my own reality impeccably, so if I feel bad it must be because of my own choices. I am going to look for a solution in myself instead of trying to change someone else."

It helps to be aware of the beliefs we have when we engage in conflict. If we allow other human beings to push our buttons, we believe in defending our buttons. Cosmic law states that thoughts held in mind will manifest in our life. If we are holding an image of wrong behavior backed by our anger we have guaranteed that we will have conflict in our life again tomorrow. By the same token, if we are creating our todays by thoughts held in mind yesterday (or yesterlife) then what is upsetting us is not what we think is upsetting us. The Course says "I am never upset for the reason I think."

When we forget that we are one with God, the ego indulges in fear. It immediately resorts to protecting the self by projecting negative emotions towards others in order to keep from having to take responsibility for them. Functioning from a cosmic perspective, on the other hand, is recognizing our connection with the infinitely powerful source which is a state of being that does not require protection.

There are a couple of ideas from A Course in Miracles which are very useful to keep in mind when a relationship is generating conflict. First, all anger is a call for love. This tells us that another person is not really trying to harm us with their attacks. They are just feeling unloved and are trying to get love from outside of themselves. Secondly, the Course asks "would you rather be right or happy?" You can't be both.

There have been millions of people arguing with each other for millions of years on earth. As of yet, no one has ever won an argument. Why would we engage in such obviously futile entertainment? Because the ego has no choice. If it truly is separate then it must be right to survive. Only beings who have given up on separateness can conceive of giving up being right. Our society has placed ultimate value on being right. Aside from the fact that being right is a cosmic impossibility, it has never made anyone happy. Conflict cannot be fixed by correcting other peoples errors. The only way to end a repetitive pattern of conflict is by refusing to participate.

When we stop playing the attack and defend game and choose peace, there is a very predictable sequence of events that begins. The first thing that happens is that the person we are dealing with will become very angry because they just lost control. Their entire security lies in their understanding of our neatly ordered reactions. If we break the traditional rules, by choosing peace instead of defending or attacking, their belief system is torn to shreds. They will echo back all of the reasons why we cannot resort to a new type of behavior. They will try to push every one of our buttons. "That's not fair. You have to fight with me. You're just escaping." And then there is "but I need you." We don't have to read more than one co-dependency book to get over that one. When they have found all of our buttons, and we did not respond to a single one, they will tell us they are going to jump off of a building. But they probably won't and if they do, it was their time to be somewhere else. People don't die, they just move on.

If they decide to stick around, they will go through a period of bewilderment during which they may tell everyone that we have lost our mind. If we simply maintain our peace, their anger will eventually disappear. They will eventually look to us in amazement as we stand forth in our peacefulness. Then they become students of peace. It is in their contract. Everyone who would try to control or manipulate us invariably signed on to planet earth to be our student. They are hoping that we can show them how to slip out of old patterns and become free and confident. They may be too prideful to say, "Please teach me how you can stay at peace" but, rest assured that they will be watching. Love works every time.

The working week can be a good test of whether or not we are willing to play the game by love's rules. There are many potential conflicts and much to lose at work if we do it "wrong." We could loose our income, our reputation, and our friends, if we don't do everything the boss' way. One of the great stories in the Bible that teaches us how to deal with people we cannot seem to get along with is Daniel in the Lion's Den. Daniel was aware beforehand that they were going to put him in the den with the lion (the lion represented whatever his particular challenge was) so he went through the prayer process the night before. He remembered that consciousness creates reality on the earth. He knew that he was not a victim of the king. He sat down in meditation, saw the dilemma and visualized the outcome that he desired. It is always easier to do the work in advance so when someone tries to push our buttons we have already defused the energy.

When Daniel was placed in the den the next day, he sat down and turned his back to the lion, an incredibly significant metaphor. He did not sit and focus on the problem. Instead, having used his meditation and some mental imagery to resolve it the night before, he was free to put his attention elsewhere. The lion did not attack and rip Daniel to pieces when he let down his defenses. It proceeded to lie down and go to sleep - - such wonderful symbology. Daniel's way works with any person or situation that intimidates us. A Course in Miracles says that our safety lies in our defenselessness.

If you perceive an adversary, recognize that it is your perception which needs fixing. If perception created the difficulty, perception can heal it. Imagine a can of pink paint and mentally paint your adversary in that soft, loving color or put sparkles all over them. It will be very difficult for them to be vicious when you meet face to face after you have tinted them in that rosy hue. You are free to use any symbols that are fun. Imagine what it feels like when harmony has been restored. Run the entire encounter through your mind's eye while you are in relaxed meditation. There is no way that you could meet that person without remembering the work that you have done. All anger is a call for love. You have offered love instead of conflict.

All Relationships End

Another area where our society is in denial is that all earthly relationships end. Society teaches, due to its confusion about the difference between love and need, that emotional trauma is appropriate when relationships do end. If a relationship exists because we believe that someone outside of ourselves can be even partially responsible for our happiness, great pain will be experienced when the relationship ends. That to which we gave our power has abandoned us.

Co-dependency and emotional trauma are learned from society. They are not required or natural states of being in this universe. Any error that has become an accepted teaching of society can be re-taught in a more loving manner. The teachers of light on the planet have the task of reforming their own relationships into "holy relationships", to use the words of A Course in Miracles. They decide to participate in no relationship that is based on need. Relationships based on need are founded on the assumption that we are separate and helpless. Relationships that are based solely on the enjoyment of the presence of the other person still cause us to rearrange our life style when our partner leaves, but it is a trauma free rearrangement. It is simply moving on to the next adventure in our life.

After we have transformed our own relationships, we begin to re-educate group consciousness. Whether we outwardly teach and counsel or simply enjoy our own relationship, the effect is the same. Our understanding and joy is communicated to all inhabitants of earth school through the telepathic pool.

Children and Parents

As Kahill Gibran said, "Our children are not our children." They are God's children. At best they are on loan for a little while. In all of the hundreds of thousands of school systems that exist in this universe, planet earth is the only one where, in order to enroll, you have to come out of someone's body. In all other systems folks just show up, just get off the bus. Because we have all been conditioned in incarnations past to believe that our bodies belong to us, we think that anything that comes out of our bodies also belongs to us. It is not so. It is actually rather bizarre. A being coming out of another being's body is like something that you would see in a science fiction movie. We do not realize how really weird it is.

When people have children to "fill a void" in their life, pain is inevitable. If children were brought into a family to fill a void, then every transition associated with growing up will be felt as an attack on the parents. Leaving home will be seen as abandonment. When a child dies in our society, the family is usually unaware of karmic contracts or pre-birth agreements. Our function is not necessarily to explain these things to them, but rather to just love them. Love heals all wounds.

On a soul level, parents choose their children so that they, the parents, can break old patterns. There are no exceptions to that rule. Our parents are absolutely counting on the fact that we are not going to play the old guilt games or buy into their drama. They are all thinking on a subconscious level, "Boy, I sure hope my kids don't let me get away with what I'm going to pull because if they shape me up now, it will save me lifetimes of work." To show love to our parents we must be true to ourselves. But if we try to please them we will leave them in the same mess that they are in now, until one day or one lifetime someone finally decides to help them break the pattern.

Every individual who incarnates on this planet chooses the time of their incarnation and their own path. Anyone born in the 1990's or later will experience adulthood in predominantly Aquarian energy. These souls have completed most of the work required for graduation. People who are not oriented towards compassion will not be found in the Aquarian Age. Few people will come into this school now if they primarily want to be in bar fights.

The children who are incarnating on the planet now are playing an enormous role in the transition of the earth. As infants, there is not a single one of them that is not consciously in contact with their pre-birth state of awareness. Gerald Jampolsky tells a story of a young couple that he knew who brought a newborn into the family. From the moment that they introduced the infant to their three year old child, that older sibling asked to be alone with the new baby. The parents were thrown by this child's insistence. They feared she might harm the baby. Finally they devised a plan to use an intercom in the nursery so that the children could be left alone and they could still hear everything that transpired. Through that speaker, the parents heard the three year old approach the crib and say "Baby, tell me about God -- I am beginning to forget."

Our children are going to out shine us to such a degree that it will be truly amazing. They have an intuitive understanding of spiritual morality that far exceeds the older generations' co-dependent versions of morality. Therefore, the old patterns that we have about raising children no longer apply. Any child born today does not need to be controlled. We can teach them the practicalities of the planet, like not to touch a hot stove, but they will not accept our idea of moral behavior. They are not interested in our archaic perceptions about how to interact with people. These kids will know more about relationships by age twelve than our generation has yet learned.

The old notion that parents are responsible for their children will not hold water anymore. Children appear to be innocent and helpless. It is easy for those with little sense of cosmic awareness to train children into co-dependency. Children are not naive. They have as many millions of years of personal experience as any adult on the planet. Children are not helpless. They chose their parents wisely.

We are not responsible for any other human being. We cannot fix them or shape them into what we would like them to be. The only obligations that Aquarian parents have to their children is to love them, provide food, clothing and shelter and then get out of the way. They will love themselves so much that they simply will not allow us to control or manipulate them.

When we begin to teach children language, we are teaching them limitation. Our language has no words to describe what it was like out there before birth. The kids, however, remember everything about those other worlds and come in communicating telepathically, but we do not often pick up on this. They are tuned into everything that is going on in the house, including everybody's emotions, before they can even speak. A child's programming about the limitations and fears, or love and harmlessness, of people on the planet begins in the womb.

With that kind of intuitive ability, we can anticipate that new age kids will be lousy students. Our school system is designed to make clones out of children. It teaches dependence on the intellect, manipulation, competition, and separateness. It does not teach true understanding. The new children will not tolerate that kind of education. The school systems will have to be totally changed. Education and love are not distinct subjects. Until these changes take place, know that our children will not fit in. They cannot be trained like we were to sit for fifty minutes in the same position while a boring authority figure is lecturing. They will instead demand action, color, vitality, warmth and feeling. In the new schools art, music, compassion and intuitive functioning will not play second fiddle to intellectual subjects and learning the "right" answers.

Children are not new and they are not dumb. They have been in the earth school and other systems for tens of millions of years. They are mature and wise in every way except for the handling of the physical body. These beings come in with much better self images than former generations. If we treat them with loving respect and acknowledge that they are our teachers in regards to human interaction and compassion and harmony, then we will have wonderful relationships with them. Our children and nieces and nephews and grandchildren will be the source of great wisdom for us as long as we play the game according to the new rules.

Cosmic Relationships

When we master relationships we will have mastered it all. When we stop giving our power away to people that we supposedly love but probably need, we will have recovered our power in every area of our life. Healing relationships is a very simple thing to discuss, but it is the most difficult lesson to do because we are working on releasing lifetimes of programming. It will take a great deal of vigilance, but being true to ourselves is all that is required to make our relationships work. Just pay attention, watch and pray.

What would happen if we could be in relationship with someone in a state of cosmic consciousness? We could not talk about our problems because we wouldn't experience any. Well, we may not be at a point of being totally cosmic with our partners but we can follow Emerson's advice "to become, act as if". Since we have traditionally used verbal communication to reinforce our separateness, not having anything to complain about presents a challenge. But now we will choose not to forget our source, God, and not to forget the big picture. Therefore we do not create repetitions of old problems by repeating old thoughts about them. Clean minds create clean relationships.

Most talk on this planet is about problems, challenges, differences, wrongs, injustices, etc. It is all ego stuff. If everyone refused to speak negative words, silence would be the normal condition.

There is a definite connection between silence and enlightenment. Every guru has begun the disciple's training by teaching silence. Every master teacher communicates with his or her peers telepathically, not verbally. When we as a civilization have ended our group experiment in attacking and defending we will no longer use words. Sharing thought forms and mental images is a much more expedient way to communicate. But as long as we are afraid for others to see our thoughts and feelings we will use separation-creating words. Patricia Sun has a good suggestion. "Pretend that from this moment on, everybody you meet can read your mind." Telepathic beings have no relationship problems because all relationship problems are a result of the deception that fear requires.

To heal those we are in relationship with we heal ourselves. When we learn to be blissfully happy and at peace, there is an enormous amount of healing that takes place in those that we are psychically connected to. We know that any state of limitation, manipulation, anger, fear and guilt is total insanity. We remember the truth which says that oneness cannot be achieved alone. We need our relationships. We also need our support group and support tools to help us as we dare to risk honesty with those closest to us. Get your inspirational books, cassette tapes and phone numbers ready and dare to do your relationships in a whole new way. Before you know it you will have harmonious relationships with every individual on the planet and they will be calling you teacher and sharing your space in comfort.

[Table of Contents] [Home] [Next Chapter]