BLACK
                       HOLE

                             Even if this isn't you, you could help a friend come out
                             of a black hole that could be deadly.

MyStory                                                                                                 It was in September when my mom announced that she was moving out.
Then I was a confident young woman and not very much could shake my reserve. My dad and whole family got very upset but no one could change her mind.
I think now that it was for the best.
She was renting a hotel in the same town that we lived in and was keeping up the hotel quite nicely. I was ok with this because she only lived a few blocks away so I could see her whenever I wanted to. She lived there for about five months.
Then my world shattered, she was moving away. I couldn't believe it, she had always been there for me and now I had to choose between her or dad.
I decided my father because I had lived in that town all my life and I thought he needed me.
That was the worst mistake of my life.
I started taking care of him, picking up were my mother left, feeling it was my responsibility. I gained weight, I lost my self-esteem, but I did keep a good grade. Every day I went straight home after school secluding myself from the world, picking up after my father, keeping the house clean.
My self worth in my eyes dropped until one day I started thinking, 'who would miss me if I dove right off the bridge into shallow water. 'I argued that lots of people would miss me but I couldn't seem to convince myself. I wanted to die, to sleep forever were no one could hurt me. To cease this ache in my chest that would never go away. Dad wouldn't leave off with the weight so  that my little bits of self-esteem dropped to such a terrible level that I finally knew no one wanted me.
I was worthless.
My brother and his girlfriend finally decided it was time for me to move.
I moved with my mom and am now in the process of trying to get my self-esteem back. I still go home right after school but I am getting better. I treat myself with more respect but every once in a while I want to hide from the world.
Some day I will be more confident.
If this sounds even a little like you and you feel like committing suicide ask for help. Everyday someone doesn't ask for help and looks death straight in the eye. That's when you know that life is precious, but sometimes it's to late.
I didn't ask for help and came closer to the edge than a person who would have. I almost jumped and looking back I am glad that I didn't. I could have crossed that line of not caring, but I didn't. I cared about my life and my choices, what my choices would have done to my loved ones and the known of having tried to kill myself and maybe failed. These are some of the choices that I couldn't live with. Everybody always has a choice, and sometimes everybody forgets that. It is as simple as looking at a passing day and saying that you need help. This is your life and even if you think you are down and out for the count, all it takes is one person with hope and you can climb out of that black hole with a new sense of freedom.