Chapter-15

-- The Great MacFin --
(An English Crumpet Western)

ACT II

$SCENE III
[The Same Place]

[Hollow amplified Knocking echos across the stage. Enter a Porter]

Porter
I hear you knocking. Quiet! ... Or you will wake the ghosts from hell! I am *trying* to open the gate!

[ More Knocking] Knock, knock, knock!

Who's there? i' the name of Beelzebub? Are you a Banker, that hanged himself on *expectations* of plenty? Come in. Here, you'll sweat fer' the money.

[More Knocking] Knock, knock, knock!

Who's there? Perhaps ... A Lawyer from hell who played both scales against the other; but could not equivocate himself into heaven: O, come in ... equivocator.

[Knocking within] Knock, knock, knock!

Who's there? Perhaps ... A politician on his way to hell for stealing from the public trust? Come in, politician; here you may roast your own goose.

[Knocking within] Knock, knock, knock!

Can't you be quiet! What are you? This place is too cold for hellish-people. I will let in some or all educated professionals as they go from their exhalted primrose lane to that everlasting bonfire.

[Knocking within]

Stop, stop! I *pray you*, I have it open!.

[He Opens the gate]

[Enter Horace and McRiffkin]

Horace
What kept you, m'friend? Did you go to a bed late?

Porter
Oh' you better Believe it! We were carousing till the two-am and learned that drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things.

Horace
Now just What three things does drink especially provock ... er... provoke?

Porter
*Merryment!*, sir, a ruddy red-nose ... sleepy sleep and then your u*r*i*n*e.

Also Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance:

... therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery: ... it both makes him, and it mars him; ... it sets him on, and it takes him off; ... it persuades him, and disheartens him; ... makes him stand to, and stand down;

Finally it let me sleeps, and when I lies me down, it wants to leave me !

Horace
I believe drink gave thee this "lie" last night.

Porter
That it did, sir, but m'very throat wrestled with Ol' drink 'til I won ... and drown him, away.

Horace
Is thy master stirring?

[Enter MacFin]

Our knocking must have awaked him; see he enters.

McRiffkin
Goodmorning, MacFin.

MacFin
Good morrow, both of you.

Horace
Is the Owner stirring, O' Great Foreman?

MacFin
O' Not yet.

Horace
He told me to come by and git him up at an early hour.

... and I almost forgot.

MacFin
Not to worry! I'll bring you to him.

Horace
Sorry to bother you, at this time.

MacFin
Tis' nothing. Here is the door.

Horace
I'll call inside then I must go.

[Exit]

McRiffkin
Is the Owner leaving to-day?

MacFin
He said that he would.

McRiffkin
I had a bad night last night. Lotsa bad nightmares. Every sound woke me up. I even thought that I heard screamming. ... and Maybe even the earth did tremble and shake.

MacFin
I can see it 'Twas a rough night, for thee.

McRiffkin
Well, I don't recommend it.

[Re-enter Horace]

Horace
O'Gawd! I can't believe it!

MacFin
What's the matter.

Horace
I'm so confused ... He has been Murdered! The Boss is dead!

MacFin
What do you mean, "Dead?" Who's dead?

McRiffkin
You mean the Boss is Dead?

Horace
Don't look. The body speaks for itself.

[They All Git Out MacFin and McRiffkin]

Hey! Hey! Everyone ... Git up! Ring the alarm-bell. There has been a murder!

Langstorm! Arthur! awake! Git outta bed! Git over here! He-e-e-y Arthur! Langstorm! Ring the alarm bell.

[Bell rings]

[Enter LADY MacFin]

LADY MacFin
What's the noise ... What's the matter? You'll wake everyone up!

Horace
O' gentle lady, 'Tis not for you to hear what I can speak:

[Enter Langstorm]

Langstorm, Langstorm, Our Boss has been murder'd!

LADY MacFin
What? In this house?

Langstorm
It doesn't make any difference whar! Tell me it isn't true, And say it is not so.

[Re-enter MacFin and McRiffkin, with ROSS]

MacFin
I wish I was dead, rather than have this happen.

I know We all gotta go;

but I wish I wasn't here.

[Enter Arthur and McGillis]

McGillis
What is wrong?

MacFin
Haven't you heard? The spring, the head, the very fountain of your blood Is stopp'd; the very source of it is stopp'd.

Horace
He means that your father 's murder'd.

Arthur
By whom?

McRiffkin
His own cowboys, as it seem'd, had done 't: Their hands and faces were bloody with blood; So were their daggers, which unwiped we found Upon their pillows: They musta been drunk and no man's life Was to be trusted with them.

MacFin
Even so ... In fury, I did kill *them!*

Horace
Say ... What?

MacFin
Well I couldn't stop myself I was full of fury I knifed those two while they lay a-bed, drunk.

m'violent love for the Owner outran m'reason ... well ... when I saw the Owner laying there, His silvery skin laced with his golden blood; And in his stab-wounds ... ... there, I saw those two farmers placing their daggers, like a breach of nature.

LADY MacFin
Oh m'Gawd what did you do!

Horace
Look to the lady.

Arthur [Aside to McGillis]
Be careful ... we should hold our tongues, so that *next* we are not made to take the blame?

McGillis [Aside to Arthur]
I agree, Whatever is spoken here, can be bad for us.

I think we'd better git;

Arthur [Aside to McGillis]
I'm with you!

Langstorm
First, Look to the old lady:

[LADY MacFin is carried out]

And when we have settled down, let us meet and question this most bloody piece of work; Perhaps, To know it further.

Right now fears and doubts shake us: But in The Great hand of God, I swear that I will fight against such treasonous malice.

Horace
And so do I.

ALL So all.

MacFin
Let's briefly shave, eat and get ready for the day, And, later, meet in this hall together.

ALL Good idea.

[They All Git Out all but Arthur and McGillis.]

Arthur
Oh What will we do? Let's not mix with those people: I think they will not see sorrow in us.

I may go to the State capital.

McGillis
... and I to Texas; our separated fortune Shall keep us both much safer than whar we are, There's daggers in these men's eyes: and the closer they are to our blood, The nearer we are to being bloody.

Arthur
Whoever murdered the owner is still around and our safest bet is to avoid any secondary opportunity. Therefore, to our horses; And let us not be dainty of our leave-taking,

[They All Git Out]

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